New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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