I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Im part way to drunk.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
