you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
