We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
