You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
