Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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