I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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