Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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