...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
