i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
