my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
