Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
