I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize