I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
