Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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