If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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