Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I still have a little drunk in my system
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
