The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Is her dick bigger than yours?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
