Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
