Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
