My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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