I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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