just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
