You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
4 words: hood of his car
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
