he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
