is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
