Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize