I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
