Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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