For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
