I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
