I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
