he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize