She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
My underwear smells like fireworks.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
