8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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