just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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