just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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