I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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