How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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