theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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