I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
