Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize