I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
