Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
