in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
