Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
