We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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