All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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