i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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