i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize