he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
