That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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