So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Bring me that man meat
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize