how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
