He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
