You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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