So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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