I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
soo... how was my night?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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