just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
