Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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