i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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