So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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