he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize