woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
