Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
