I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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