I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
