My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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