Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
