i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
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