I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
