How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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