So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize