I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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