it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize