I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
