There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
