made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
