she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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