You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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