I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
