Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
