Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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