the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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