very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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