On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
My breath smells like gin and sadness
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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