I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Drake has all the answers
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
