Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize