dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
