Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
