Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
