I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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