1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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