I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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