Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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