I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
